Giles Ji Ungpakorn
The big news this week is that top Thai physicists have just discovered “Thai-style” gravitational waves reverberating across the country.
Everyone knows, don’t they, that things which happen in Thailand are unique and beyond the comprehension of Western thinkers. Wise members of the Thai elite are always preaching that we shouldn’t just “follow the back-sides” of Westerners. Western ways are just so “non-Thai”. Things like “democracy”, “human rights” and “human dignity and equality” are just the nasty inventions of white people, totally unsuitable for the majority of Thai citizens who remain child-like. That explains why Thais “love” to crawl on their bellies in front of high-up people.
So while the rest of the world has been fascinated by the discovery that humans can now measure gravitational waves, Thai scientists have been able to measure a special “Thai-style” gravitational wave emanating from a huge black hole located in military headquarters. The location of this black hole can now be pin-pointed to where the brain of Generalissimo Prayut should have been. Junta Head and self-appointed Prime Gangster is the centre of the Thai universe.
This gravitational wave is so strong that it can suck in huge wealth into the pockets of leading generals and their cronies. It causes a huge pull on electro-magnetic light waves so that Thailand is now shrouded in depressing darkness. But the biggest discovery is that it has so much power that it can pull Thai society backwards by many decades to the Cold War era of past military dictatorships.
In a similar manner to which Albert Einstein predicated that gravitational waves could bend and distort time and distance, the Thai-style gravitational waves can distort the truth and bend time. So in today’s Thailand the military junta is ruling by “democracy” in the interests of peace and reconciliation, Generalissimo Prayut is making a “huge sacrifice” by running the country and according to opinion polls 110% of the population support His Excellency. In Patani the military is not engaged in torture but is in fact handing out cuddly toys to the locals. The Meechai draft constitution is also the “most democratic” charter the country has ever had.
Time is extended and bent by these waves, meaning that elections can be postponed forever and some of the top royalist doctors are now claiming that they have found that His Majesty’s aging process has been successfully reversed. This means that the King will remain with Thai society forever, ensuring that all his subjects are happy and contented.
The presence of these Thai-style gravitational waves was predicted back in 2006 by a number of political scientists who criticised the various loathsome elite royalists, middle-class activists and NGO types who supported undemocratic measures to remove the Taksin government. Now some of these reactionaries, like ex-senator Rosana and a bunch of Democrat Party politicians, are finding that they are being sucked into the Prayut black hole and they are showing their displeasure by emitting low pitched “chirps” which have been recorded by the microphones of journalists.
In his weekly rant on TV Generalissimo Prayut shouted that he was not a “pig, dog, crow or chicken” and that he should be given respect for being the head of the junta and top military commander. On this point one would have to reluctantly agree with him. Yes, he is no pig, dog, crow or chicken. Those are blameless creatures, unlike the gangster head of the country. And naturally we will all have to give the Generalissimo our full respect, for if we do not, we can be sure of a knock on the door followed by a forced visit to an army camp for an “attitude changing session”.
How lucky we are to be Thai!!
[See http://bit.ly/20XGjHw ]